It's easy to pretend she knows what she wants when she's draped in her brightest sheepskin, and she had started to slip it back on--but then he says that, and he looks at her, and it's gone. It's only Annie, again. Just Annie, just herself, warm in his arms.
"I know you don't have a birthday, exactly. But. You have a day that's like it, right?"
"I want to do something like this for you, for it." Step off the ledge, she thinks, because that's what this feels like.
It's not the same as her other wants. Yes, it's ultimately for another person; but it means thinking about the future. It means planning for something when she's terrified of planning a week in advance. It means sacrificing things she normally goes after without a second thought.
"I mean. Not that I want to wait a whole..." Month? Two months, three? She doesn't even know. "Uh, when is it?"
Sweeney manages to keep the chuckle silent, but it reads in his face for a moment before he sees it sobered. He knows damn well how long that is for her, and he doesn't want to burden her for her kindness.
"August."
He lifts his brow empathetically. "Ya know ya don't hav'ta wait that long. I'd love it any time ya'd like ta set it." Sweeney playfully scrunches his nose.
"'Cause that's longer than six months. An' ya know how we are."
Edited (Additional text) Date: 2021-12-28 02:54 am (UTC)
She laughs and rolls closer into him as if to shield them both from that most awful idea. "Okay no I don't want to go without you for...shit, eight months? No, but, if we're both here I could do something like we did. Hold off for a month before. Surprise you. Hell surprise myself, too."
He gives her a firm squeeze, valiantly protecting her from so much waiting. After a moment, he peeks down at her, his voice gentle.
"I'd love that," he admits, almost embarrassed to say the words out loud, if only because they're genuine. "I'd be honored. Whenever ya'd like ta set it. Ya know...since it ain't a birthday, ya could give me a day that's special just fer you. Or us."
Sweeney nuzzles his nose into her hair before aimlessly, eagerly groping at her in jest.
"Ain't gonna make it any easier ta hav'ta wait a month, whene'er it is."
Edited (Spelling correction) Date: 2021-12-28 03:12 am (UTC)
She laughs, playfully squirming under his hands--all play, the lust in her is quite sated now. "We'll see how fast I come up with ideas. And how impatient I get. But right now, I'm aiming for August."
She keeps her word, especially with him, so she doesn't make any hard promises about timing. It's good to have a goal; it's also good to acknowledge how impulsive she is.
"Y'know I haven't had this much fun on New Year's." Not in years; not that she can ever remember. It's not the first one she's spent sober, but it's the only one she's spent sober and clear-eyed and so thoroughly excited about.
"Maith." He gives her a quick squeeze. "Good." He allows himself a slow breath, taking in her hair. "I want that fer ya. I'm glad I helped ya find it."
There's a beat before he shifts the topic, his voice lowering a touch.
"Can I ask ya a favor 'bout it? 'Bout the next wait, I mean."
Edited (Additional text) Date: 2021-12-28 03:40 am (UTC)
"Yeah. Of course." She tips her face up to look at him. Her fingers play idly with the stubble on his jaw. "It's gotta be fun on both our terms, right?"
The appreciation is in his features before he speaks.
"Don't set it on the first." Sweeney gives a small shrug. "That's the formal day an' all, but it's a Festival Day an'..." There's something like faint embarrassment. "I rather if it's gonna be ya doin' somethin' just fer me--fer us--I rather it not be on a holiday I gotta share."
The kiss is welcomed and returned without hesitation, though in its wake he gets a bit quieter.
"Is it gonna bother ya if I say I rather ya not?" Sweeney's clearly worried about her feelings; he doesn't want to offend her, it's just a complication he doesn't want between them.
Sweeney's lips thin, and he takes several breaths to find words to give.
"Who I was then...that was my first story." He sighs and shuts his eyes. "Fuck, I only remember flickers an' that's only 'cause Ibis shoved 'em back in right b'fore I died." There's darkness there, for several reasons. Darkness he doesn't want in their night which has gone so well.
"I don't remember much, but...he ain't much like this me. He's..." Sweeney struggles for the feeling, much less the words. "Heavy. Obligated." He sighs, his eyes shifting to the grass.
"I don't know 'nough ta know what I'll be then." His jaw shifts to one side, hesitant to make the admission.
"He may hunt wolves." It's not a threat or a flippant jest. There's sincere concern for her. It would make sense that he would, Hound-son that he is. The Shining One, protecting others from the darkness and the dangers therein.
"I don't ever want to put you in a situation where you'd hurt me." She trusts him, the man under her arm, the man who bruised so much of her body, who makes her feel like she doesn't have to hate herself if she can't put one foot in front of the other some days.
She knows this is not all there is to him, too. She takes his fear seriously.
"But I like you. Who you were, because it's helped make you who you are. I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me. I want to become someone who doesn't need protecting." But even as she says it her smile falters. She believes she could lead a pack again (at least here, now, in this perfect night she does). But she has always been under someone else's thumb. Even when they ran for their lives, the boys tucked her up in the middle, took bullets and executions for her, and she could do nothing except allow it.
She chalks this one up to overconfidence, to too much enthusiasm for a future she doesn't really believe in. A misstep she would have made if she was drunk; happiness, it turns out, is as inebriating as a shot of tequila. She needs to rein that in.
To her credit--and Sweeney's, and even Godric's--she doesn't backpedal and doesn't yank the conversation away from tricky ground.
"Pick a day. But I don't want it to be just because I'm fragile." She's so tired of being fragile.
You don't know who I was. Fuck, I don't even know that.
He pulls her close, as if he's worried she might slip away, that he would lose her as an anchor. Sweeney presses his face into her hair, not a nuzzle, just a way to hide from an uncomfortable subject and fight to stay himself. No matter how well he's doing, thinking on the others too much is risky.
"It ain't just you I'm lookin' ta protect," he whispers, swallowing hard after.
"Hate myself fer a lotta things." His lips thin, but he forces his way further.
"Don't wanna carry that 'round with me. E'en if you'd forgive me...I'm not ready ta live with knowin' I did somethin' ta ya, thinkin' I was right ta do it." Righteous violence.
"Please, Annie." He swallows and kisses her head. "Just give me this one." The request is humble, for there's nothing else he has. The burden of the thought is already so much to bear.
"Just make it the second an' I'll be just fer you."
"No, not August," she says quickly. "I'll think of something. Maybe I'll just spring it on you."
Some day not so far. Some day they have an actual chance of seeing together. She was willing to hold out for a day special to him, but without that she can't stomach the thought of counting on the future.
Sweeney feels like he did something wrong, even if it's for the right reason. He isn't sure how to feel about it, because when it comes down to it, he's spend a huge amount of time not wanting to feel anything about anyone else.
His thoughts shift, trying to settle. Something clicks.
"How ya feel 'bout the end of May?" he asks, cautiously optimistic, but understanding it's going to be a complicated subject in general. "The twenty-sixth?"
"Wait. Spring. Let's do spring! First day of it if there is one? New beginnings or, y'know, celebrating getting stronger and sunnier." She loves symbolism. It's part of what had made this so perfect. She sits up on an elbow, waggles her eyebrows at him. "And it's not real far. Right?"
Similar complications, if less dangerous ones. Still sharing holidays. But he's willing to compromise. Instead of the equinox, the day after. A spring forward.
"March twenty-first do ya, then? Give ya the first day the sun's out longer." His brow lifts knowingly.
"Though--an' I know it's a hell'uva lot longer--but..." Sweeney reaches his arm above his head, pulling something from the grass. He tucks it against his chest so it's in front of her.
It's the flask she'd etched for him, one side flipping one finger, the other flipping two.
It takes her a moment to figure out what he means. She hadn't forgotten she made it for him, but given his utter lack of enthusiasm about it and the fact she never saw it again, she hadn't thought he'd kept it.
"We can have both," she offers, gaze never quite leaving the flask. "Not like I'm going to get tired of you."
"Just more work fer you," he reminds her with a grin. "Yer the one wantin' ta plan e'erythin'." With a good-natured chuckle, his eyes find the ceiling.
"Not like I can keep stealin' this much dirt e'ery couple of months."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 02:38 am (UTC)"I know you don't have a birthday, exactly. But. You have a day that's like it, right?"
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 02:44 am (UTC)"I do," he admits with a small nod, lids lifting so he can seek her out.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 02:47 am (UTC)It's not the same as her other wants. Yes, it's ultimately for another person; but it means thinking about the future. It means planning for something when she's terrified of planning a week in advance. It means sacrificing things she normally goes after without a second thought.
"I mean. Not that I want to wait a whole..." Month? Two months, three? She doesn't even know. "Uh, when is it?"
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 02:51 am (UTC)"August."
He lifts his brow empathetically. "Ya know ya don't hav'ta wait that long. I'd love it any time ya'd like ta set it." Sweeney playfully scrunches his nose.
"'Cause that's longer than six months. An' ya know how we are."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 03:06 am (UTC)"I'd love that," he admits, almost embarrassed to say the words out loud, if only because they're genuine. "I'd be honored. Whenever ya'd like ta set it. Ya know...since it ain't a birthday, ya could give me a day that's special just fer you. Or us."
Sweeney nuzzles his nose into her hair before aimlessly, eagerly groping at her in jest.
"Ain't gonna make it any easier ta hav'ta wait a month, whene'er it is."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 03:17 am (UTC)She keeps her word, especially with him, so she doesn't make any hard promises about timing. It's good to have a goal; it's also good to acknowledge how impulsive she is.
"Y'know I haven't had this much fun on New Year's." Not in years; not that she can ever remember. It's not the first one she's spent sober, but it's the only one she's spent sober and clear-eyed and so thoroughly excited about.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 03:36 am (UTC)"Maith." He gives her a quick squeeze. "Good." He allows himself a slow breath, taking in her hair. "I want that fer ya. I'm glad I helped ya find it."
There's a beat before he shifts the topic, his voice lowering a touch.
"Can I ask ya a favor 'bout it? 'Bout the next wait, I mean."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 03:50 am (UTC)"Don't set it on the first." Sweeney gives a small shrug. "That's the formal day an' all, but it's a Festival Day an'..." There's something like faint embarrassment. "I rather if it's gonna be ya doin' somethin' just fer me--fer us--I rather it not be on a holiday I gotta share."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 03:53 am (UTC)Not something she would have guessed in a hundred or so years.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 04:04 am (UTC)"I'm not gonna be hostin' anything big or the like. It's not like that. It's just..." He rolls his eyes with some awkwardness.
"There's a pagan holiday that day. Lughnasadh. It's named fer me. But, ya know. I rather not have ta be that self when I'm with you."
His gaze shifts askew. "I just like who I am when I'm with you."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 04:26 am (UTC)Her smile softens and she kisses him, lets it linger just so he knows she's kissing him and not some ancient idea of who he is.
"Does that mean I shouldn't see you, on Lughnasadh?"
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 04:32 am (UTC)"Is it gonna bother ya if I say I rather ya not?" Sweeney's clearly worried about her feelings; he doesn't want to offend her, it's just a complication he doesn't want between them.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 04:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 04:46 am (UTC)Sweeney's lips thin, and he takes several breaths to find words to give.
"Who I was then...that was my first story." He sighs and shuts his eyes. "Fuck, I only remember flickers an' that's only 'cause Ibis shoved 'em back in right b'fore I died." There's darkness there, for several reasons. Darkness he doesn't want in their night which has gone so well.
"I don't remember much, but...he ain't much like this me. He's..." Sweeney struggles for the feeling, much less the words. "Heavy. Obligated." He sighs, his eyes shifting to the grass.
"I don't know 'nough ta know what I'll be then." His jaw shifts to one side, hesitant to make the admission.
"He may hunt wolves." It's not a threat or a flippant jest. There's sincere concern for her. It would make sense that he would, Hound-son that he is. The Shining One, protecting others from the darkness and the dangers therein.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 04:59 am (UTC)She knows this is not all there is to him, too. She takes his fear seriously.
"But I like you. Who you were, because it's helped make you who you are. I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me. I want to become someone who doesn't need protecting." But even as she says it her smile falters. She believes she could lead a pack again (at least here, now, in this perfect night she does). But she has always been under someone else's thumb. Even when they ran for their lives, the boys tucked her up in the middle, took bullets and executions for her, and she could do nothing except allow it.
She chalks this one up to overconfidence, to too much enthusiasm for a future she doesn't really believe in. A misstep she would have made if she was drunk; happiness, it turns out, is as inebriating as a shot of tequila. She needs to rein that in.
To her credit--and Sweeney's, and even Godric's--she doesn't backpedal and doesn't yank the conversation away from tricky ground.
"Pick a day. But I don't want it to be just because I'm fragile." She's so tired of being fragile.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 05:14 am (UTC)He pulls her close, as if he's worried she might slip away, that he would lose her as an anchor. Sweeney presses his face into her hair, not a nuzzle, just a way to hide from an uncomfortable subject and fight to stay himself. No matter how well he's doing, thinking on the others too much is risky.
"It ain't just you I'm lookin' ta protect," he whispers, swallowing hard after.
"Hate myself fer a lotta things." His lips thin, but he forces his way further.
"Don't wanna carry that 'round with me. E'en if you'd forgive me...I'm not ready ta live with knowin' I did somethin' ta ya, thinkin' I was right ta do it." Righteous violence.
"Please, Annie." He swallows and kisses her head. "Just give me this one." The request is humble, for there's nothing else he has. The burden of the thought is already so much to bear.
"Just make it the second an' I'll be just fer you."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 05:25 am (UTC)Some day not so far. Some day they have an actual chance of seeing together. She was willing to hold out for a day special to him, but without that she can't stomach the thought of counting on the future.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 05:35 am (UTC)His thoughts shift, trying to settle. Something clicks.
"How ya feel 'bout the end of May?" he asks, cautiously optimistic, but understanding it's going to be a complicated subject in general. "The twenty-sixth?"
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 05:41 am (UTC)"Wait. Spring. Let's do spring! First day of it if there is one? New beginnings or, y'know, celebrating getting stronger and sunnier." She loves symbolism. It's part of what had made this so perfect. She sits up on an elbow, waggles her eyebrows at him. "And it's not real far. Right?"
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 05:50 am (UTC)"March twenty-first do ya, then? Give ya the first day the sun's out longer." His brow lifts knowingly.
"Though--an' I know it's a hell'uva lot longer--but..." Sweeney reaches his arm above his head, pulling something from the grass. He tucks it against his chest so it's in front of her.
It's the flask she'd etched for him, one side flipping one finger, the other flipping two.
"May twenty-sixth."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 05:56 am (UTC)"We can have both," she offers, gaze never quite leaving the flask. "Not like I'm going to get tired of you."
That much she knows.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 06:01 am (UTC)Sweeney concedes with a tip of his head.
"Just more work fer you," he reminds her with a grin. "Yer the one wantin' ta plan e'erythin'." With a good-natured chuckle, his eyes find the ceiling.
"Not like I can keep stealin' this much dirt e'ery couple of months."
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 12:53 pm (UTC)She strokes her hand over the grass. "Just don't get your hopes up too high. I don't think I can get an idea close to this."
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