IC CONTACT

[allgotrabies]

Hey, it's Annie, you know what to do.

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audio | ongoing cw

[allgotrabies]

[A soft, disappointed sound] You all keep saying that. 'You weren't the one murdered so it's none of your business'. And you all believe it. I don't blame you for being willing to kill me over him, Warren. It's the same reason I'm going to kill him if he ever hurts one of mine. That's who we are--it's who we were as humans and I'm pretty sure you can agree it's even worse now that we're wolves.

[She isn't angry. She isn't being snotty anymore, either, now that he's finally not dumping lines of text on her.]

I don't want- [a small crack in her voice. She's so weak, she thinks, for a wolf.] I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't like hurting anyone, and I hated what I did to him.

But what I like even less is wardens telling me to just sit back and suck it up because they love the person wandering around doing the things Jacobi has done. I bet you did try to stop him, I bet you talked his whole ear off. And you know what? He still attacked Connor. And all he did was smirk. He doesn't care who he hurts, and you can't stop him with your words or your love. No matter how much you wish you could.

I don't want you to get demoted. So that leaves inmates to protect other inmates. Go ahead and prove me wrong--keep him from hurting my pack. I want you to. But if you really thought you could stop him, you wouldn't be here threatening me.

[questionsonly]

[ He breathes in deep and he breathes out slow and by god does he thank his past self and even his own trauma that he can compartmentalize. ]

I never said it wasn't your business.

And I never said I would kill anyone. Even what I said just then? Is you making assumptions. About me. And about the right way to get justice.

Daniel is my mate. I thought I'd made that clear? But I'll restate it. And yet. Here I am. Trying to talk to you. Trying to treat you like a person. And not a threat.

No, I didn't try to stop him. Because I never knew it was coming. Because he didn't tell me. I? Found out when Connor was shooting out my kneecaps. Instead of shooting out my brains.

I can't prove you wrong. Because you? Of anyone? Should know that violence. is sometimes the only language someone's pain can be voiced in. And you can talk about wardens and inmates, but that talk is cheap coming from someone who got her shit together enough to graduate. And then lost it on an inmate.

You're not a poor little inmate trying to defend her pack.

You're a warden who lost her perspective on what's important and let herself fall back into that kind of behavior when she should know better and is content to keep falling into it because you're a bubbly blond who knows how to talk about their emotions. And he's a scarred up jackass whose been taught by life that his only worth? Is in destroying things.

So don't talk to me about who I love. And how I love them. And how I'm 'threatening' you.

I came to you, as a wolf, to a wolf.

I came to you, as someone who just had to bathe. and clean. and hold the broken body of the person I love. more than anyone.

I came to you. asking for you to show the same compassion to him. that you give yourself. Knowing that he's trying. And that he'll make mistakes. And that his mistakes look different from yours. Aren't as 'palatable', even here.

And I told you. that if you don't show him that compassion. I, as a new wolf. As someone who loves him. As someone who. is holding back my instincts. right now. With a goddamn thread. Someone who is just learning how to handle not just. my anger? But a wolf's anger.

And that if I do? It will go poorly for you. Because I don't like hurting people. But I am very very good at it. And I don't know how much more plainly I can say it? But it is still. Not. A threat. Not even a promise.

It is a prediction. And one I would prefer to avoid.

[allgotrabies]

Warren. 'If you touch him I'll get demoted'? Really? The only thing that gets a warden demoted is killing an inmate. Don't blow smoke up my ass so you can tell people you didn't threaten me.

And you telling me what I am is pretty rich, since you're defending a 'scarred up jackass' with less impulse control than I have. I am not the problem right now, he is. I'm happy to just let things rest as long as he doesn't fuck up the peace.

You can sit here and give me all your predictions but you know what? I won't stay dead. You're not going to scare me out of retaliating, and if I choose not to even look his way? I was already not looking. All you're doing is telling me that you're hurt because your mate is a psychopath, and I feel for you.

[Her anger shatters a bit and she bites her lip, rubs a hand over her forehead] Mine was, too. I couldn't stop him from hurting people, either, Warren, and I still would've lined right up in front of a firing squad for him. I'm never going to be the one to tell you you're wrong for loving someone who hurts you, okay?

I get this is a no-win situation, but you're acting like I'm the big violent problem that needs to be managed and you're barely even acknowledging his body count and his lack of remorse. The day after my fuck up, I went and I begged Quill to tell me how to make things better. I've been working with her ever since. He smirked right up until his blood ran out. So stop trying to push me into submission and deal with your mate before he kills someone again. Manage your own house before you come pounding on my door.

[questionsonly]

[ There's just the sound of low breathing for a moment. ]

That is not the only way to get demoted. And. I should think you, as someone who's been here long enough. Should know that. The fact that I don't want to get into specifics doesn't have anything to do with smoke. And everything to do with the fact that those thoughts? Are not helpful right now. To you. Or to me. I've been perfectly clear. No games.

Don't believe me? Feel free to ask Iris. That punch? I walked myself down to Zero. Blanky? I called Hux to put us in Zero. And made sure it was Hux. So Iris couldn't let us out early.

I'm not enabling him. This. isn't enabling him. Again, and... I'd really prefer not to repeat myself: there have been consequences between us. On a variety of levels. And I'm just as aware that you won't believe that. Or that you'd really care. The fact that I'm not sharing them with the person who just killed him should be basic logic. But that doesn't serve your vigilante justice protector narrative. It speaks to a 'violence is my only language even though I'm going to pretend I'm better than him' narrative.

The same way your 'my murder is morally superior to his murder because I handled it the Right Way' does.

I'm not acting like you're a big violent problem. I'm talking to you, as someone who murdered my mate. Didn't contact me. Didn't contact him, as far as I can tell. And you're still not listening. But I suppose I was being charitable, thinking you might, was asking too much.

I haven't asked for submission. I haven't asked you to be cowed. Or deferential. The idea? Hadn't even occurred to me. That hasn't been what this is about. Since the beginning.

Even if you wish it was so you can again and again dress up the fact that you killed a man in cold blood. Please don't pretend to empathy you clearly don't feel. It's performative. And unhelpful.

[allgotrabies]

[if he could see her rolling her eyes. Typical man, especially typical male wolf: tell her she doesn't feel empathy when she isn't bowing to his superior insights.]

If what you're asking for is a ceasefire? There already was one. So what the fuck else do you want?

Keep him from firing the next shot and we're fine. That's it. That's the truce. I'm not going to give you some promise that oh, well, next time I'll tell you he did a bad thing so you can make him sleep on the couch. You can keep talking and talking and you are not going to get that from me. I'm listening to you but that doesn't mean I'm going to agree with you. Sorry, bruh. Saying it again: you are lecturing the wrong side.

Put a leash on your mate if you're so fucking worried about him getting hurt.

[questionsonly]

Yup. Still not listening. Thanks for confirming that.

[ And surprisingly? He doesn't sound angry. He sounds chipper. He'd tried real? She lost that privilege.]

Okay. I won't bother you aaaaaaanymore. You're right. Words? Won't work. The only way to handle this? Well. You showed me the truth of your opinions there. Clearly.

Enjoy the scenery up your own ass.

[ And done. He won't pick up. ]

[allgotrabies]

Uh huh. Great talk, mister.

[a week or so later]

[allgotrabies]

So I'm guessing you won't call me back but, [she isn't afraid to admit when she's wrong; the breath is just because she doesn't know how to move forward. hence the inmate thing, probably.] I really don't want our packs to get into it. I really, really don't, and I know you don't either.

Can we talk? Or, what do they say in the old movies- parlay?

[She's been watching old pirate movies because of Crozier. Somehow, she thinks, it might help her learn sailor lingo faster.]

[questionsonly]

Yes, because you called an adult.

[ A bland, empty tone. Polite but... nothing more than that. ]

How can I help you, Annie?

[allgotrabies]

[She won't roll her eyes this time. Because she's an adult and not sniping now, Warren.]

I think a lot of wires got crossed last week. Like we were saying the same things to each other and then just saying them louder.

Here's what I know. You don't want anything bad to happen to Jacobi. I don't want anything bad to happen to my people. I don't want to hurt Jacobi. You don't want him to hurt my pack. Stop me if I'm wrong. [And for the love of God don't text it to her.]

[questionsonly]

[ She's the one who started with assuming he'd ignore her like a teenager. Not a good look to start, Annie. ]

Yes, you're missing a few pieces: I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone. I don't want to hurt you, or your pack. I don't want Jacobi to hurt anyone, including your pack.

If you can't believe that? Then I don't see how we can talk.

[allgotrabies]

I do believe that. You aren't the one who hurt all those people, Warren. And I don't blame you for things he's done, and I don't think I made that real clear last time so I wanted to now. I meant what I said...I know what it's like to love someone when half the world wants him dead. [And when he maybe deserves it.] I believe, all the way through, that you're doing your best with this.

You know I've tangled with your pack before, right? Before the Barge.

[questionsonly]

You mentioned.

Which is why I had no intention of involving my pack. Lark or Iris.

Even though I'd argue that it's not the same pack. any more than the Ship of Theseus. is the same ship.

[allgotrabies]

[Quiet, a little flat, because she has no idea what Theseus is. Does the Barge have a name? Is that what the Barge is called?] The leaders are who make it the same. If we were at home, one of our packs would be dead by now.

But we're not home. So I want to know how confident you are that he's not going to hurt anyone else.

[questionsonly]

I reject that idea. For a variety of reasons. But. that's hardly the point. Like you said: we're not at your home.

Why do you want to know?

[allgotrabies]

[Well this time she can't suppress the ironic snort. Of course he does. He's arrogant enough to think he knows how this all works.]

Why? Jesus Christ. Why would I want to know if there's a bomb about to go off, gee, I don't know, Warren.

[questionsonly]

[ He's not answering her snort. And he's not dealing with her lack of ability to imagine a different way to handle things than her own. ]

If you're going to keep acting like he's a thing instead of a person?

This discussion is over.

[allgotrabies]

A person who has no problem rewiring another person or blowing up another man. A man who literally makes bombs that go off. Let's not keep acting like he's a child who stole a cookie.

[questionsonly]

So we're going to stoop his level? That's your solution?

No one's acting like that.

Again? You're assuming things.

[allgotrabies]

I'm at his level, Warren, I'm an inmate. A vicious awful inmate with no empathy, remember? Since we're going to bring up all these assumptions like I'm the only one making them.

[God he's annoying.]

Do you think he's going to hurt anyone again, yes or no? That's all I'm asking. That's the only thing that actually matters right now.

[questionsonly]

I also never said that. There's a reason I use so many words.

It's because things? can be complicated.

[ There's no rise or fall in his own tone. Whatever he thinks of Annie is, well... clearly she's decided what he thinks. Why should he say anything? ]

It's what matters to you.

If this is just about what you want? I don't really have much to say.

[allgotrabies]

I want people to stop being killed by your mate for no reason. I want to know if I'm in danger. If you think that's wrong then yeah, we really have nothing else to say.

How about you use some of those words to answer the question.

[questionsonly]

There's a reason.

Not that anyone's asked.

You're on the barge, you're in danger.

I can't speak to it otherwise.

If your concern is about your personal safety and the personal safety of Connor?

I do not believe you are currently in danger of retaliatory violence.

Was there anything else?

[allgotrabies]

Yeah the fact you can't even pretend he's not still dangerous says a lot. Get fucked. When he blows his lid again, I'm going to hope he dies screaming, just like he did the last time I had my teeth in his gut.

[questionsonly]

Goodbye, Annie.

I sincerely hope you learn how to gain some perspective.