"I want to do something like this for you, for it." Step off the ledge, she thinks, because that's what this feels like.

It's not the same as her other wants. Yes, it's ultimately for another person; but it means thinking about the future. It means planning for something when she's terrified of planning a week in advance. It means sacrificing things she normally goes after without a second thought.

"I mean. Not that I want to wait a whole..." Month? Two months, three? She doesn't even know. "Uh, when is it?"