"The first time I ever fucked it was for a cigarette." She shrugs a shoulder. "Not just for one. I had a crush on him, we got along pretty well. But I knew he was going to brag to all his friends and I knew I'd get known as a slut. So I made him give me his dad's pack of cigarettes first."

And that's how sex was for her for most of her life. "Now it's like...self-expression. I feel more like me. Is this weird? To talk about?" Because it threatens to turn stream-of-consciousness and that rarely leads anywhere good. At the same time, though, he's one of very few people she isn't terrified of thinking around.