She would of course argue that she tries frequently to not have sex with Sweeney, but once she's close enough to touch him all those reasons to abstain just vanish. She feels regret only that he didn't get a chance to leave her with a fresh set of bruises on her hips, with gravel and soil ground into her back.

These thoughts are not helpful. "He doesn't know either. How often are you even able to be up? Like, when's the last time you were you? When you gave me my flowers?"