"Same reason but worse. Because by the time I went home graduated I'd lost even more people I couldn't ever get back." But there was more to it. She blows smoke up toward the ceiling, slow. "I didn't want anyone else to kill me. Everyone else I lost, someone took them away. I wanted to be the one to decide. It was the only thing I've ever done that was about me and no one else."

She glances at him but it's easier to talk about this without seeing him so she looks again at the trees. "And I'm going to do it again. Once I'm done here, once Godric dies. Or if he..." Never comes back at all. "But if I graduate right, then I won't end up back here again. So I'm just going to have as much fun as I can, love as many people as I can, and when my time comes I'll be done."